As I write my first article for this segment of my blog, I think it’s appropriate in our current climate for us to focus on our social network. Now, I’m not talking about your social media accounts or your following, or even your influencer status. Or spending more time on Facebook, Instagram and the like. I’m talking about your real-life social network. Your SUPPORT system. Those individuals and/or groups who are there for you through thick and thin, and have your back no matter what the cost. Also known as your tribe. Your flock. Your people. For real.
When you need a friendly ear to lean in and give you support or wisdom, who do you turn to?
When we are in a time of crisis and the world and all of it’s splendor and magnificence seems nothing but petrifying and scary, who are your contacts?
Who do you turn to when you receive bad news and the outlook is bleak; who do you call?
Friends vs. Acquaintances
Who are our friends within our social network and support system? And I mean real true “ride or die” friends.
It is great to have acquaintances. Acquaintances are wonderful. They give us the opportunity to meet and become familiar with a different way of life. They expand our horizons and our viewpoint to a different way of thinking. Acquaintances are valuable. Acquaintances can be helpful. Many of us, however, make the mistake of counting our acquaintances in with our support system. An acquaintance may be defined as “a person known to one, but usually not a close friend.”
A friend, on the other hand, may be defined as “a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.” See the difference?
It can be hard to differentiate though, because in our age of technology the lines between the two often become blurred. We refer to our Facebook contacts as “friends” even though we may not share a deep or close connection with then.
Instead of seeking a meaningful connection with those we love and hold dear to us, we seek the temporary and fleeting comfort of more superficial interactions. These connections are usually surface-deep, skimming over the top of what really lies deep in our personas, our emotions and our hearts.
It’s great to check out what’s going on with our connections on social media and different groups we might be interested in.
But can you really rely on these contacts to be there for you in your time of need?
Can you be there for all of them in their time of need?
Find your people
I know this may sound somewhat callous, but I think 2020 in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic has been a year of some serious reflection for many of us in terms of identifying our true support system and reaching out for help and encouragement when needed.
For me, it has been a good time to ascertain who is really in my corner and hold tight to these relationships while focusing less of my time and energy on the more superficial ones.
Think about who is truly in your corner. Is it a friend? Family member? Work colleague?
I know I mentioned family, but it does not have to be a family member just because you’re related.
Fun fact: some of my best supports have not been family.
Of course many may have a list of true support people as long as their arm. If this is you, then that is great! For most of us, though, it may be best to identify a few individuals that you can truly count on. I like to call them “the people I can count on one hand!”
You may also like to ask yourself how much quality time and interaction you spend with your support system throughout a month. This does not have to be in person of course, but simply any way to keep in touch and check in. These methods may include a simple text message, or a FaceTime or video call. Then, flip this around and ask yourself how much time do you spend on more superficial “surface level” interactions?
Some questions to ask yourself…
How much time are you spending browsing the internet each day?
Does social media take up a huge chunk of your daily interactions? What value did you get from these interactions? Was this time well spent?
How many meaningful conversations and interactions have you had today? This week? Month?
Who in your true social support circle have you connected with today? This week? Month?
What can you do to stay in touch more regularly with these special people?
It may also help to consider your state of mind after any of your interactions. How did you feel after speaking and connecting with this person? I don’t know about you, but I know that when I have contact or exchanges with certain individuals or groups, I come out feeling anxious, stressed and not at all in a good place.
We need each other…
As humans, we all thrive on true connection and meaningful interaction with others. It’s not just a nice-to-have; it’s critical to our survival. What is important, though, is making sure that these social connections are helping us instead of harming us. A dear friend (yes – a friend!) once told me quote “Life is tough enough. Surround yourself with people who make it that little bit easier.” Wait … EASIER? When has anything ever been a little bit easy!? Pour me some of that please! Nonetheless, this advice has stuck with me throughout the years and maybe I needed to take it on board way more than I thought at the time. It has continued to guide me throughout some of the toughest times in my life when I needed support but didn’t reach out to just anyone on my “list.”
Life teaches us some hard lessons, but that’s ok because we need our tribe and our people to help get us through when times are tough. I encourage you all to find even just ONE person who has your best interests at heart, who provides pearls of wisdom and strength, a friendly ear, and someone who will never let you fall. When you find that person – or tribe – or flock – hold them tightly and never let them go. It is indeed a rarity to find and secure real, genuine relationships that last and stand the test of time.
As we come close to Thanksgiving and the holiday season, cherish, give thanks and send lots of love to these folks in your life.
Over to you! Who are you truly grateful for in your life who has given you unwavering support in your darkest days?
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